You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
