Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
