I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
