I like my sex mixed with concussions.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
