I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Terrible idea I love it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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