I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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