I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
