two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
