I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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