i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
