Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
