My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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