i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
