When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
