i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
