u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
