i don't like sucking hair
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
