Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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