she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You ruined the universe
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
