im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
