omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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