I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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