when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
