some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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