things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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