Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
