bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
