My room smells like vodka and shame
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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