Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
