i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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