Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
