i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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