I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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