Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Two words: blizzard sex
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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