i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Randomize
