i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
