Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
