I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
