Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
