Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
