The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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