Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
