my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
