i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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