he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
