Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize