Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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