that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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