Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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