Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
