Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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